An Update on Life in "The Cycle of Passion Killing"

For a blog titled "Freedom Through Passion" I'm not sure I'm really living up to the weight of this name right now.

In my last post I mentioned how I was struggling with the balance of my desires and how I want my ambitions to flourish from a place of passion instead more than reward.

But to be honest, I have no idea what I'm doing with my life 99% of the time. Sometimes I feel alive and other times, more than most, I feel I have placed myself in a routine because I feel I've failed at the other things I have pursued.

I've read and agree with the philosophy that failing over and over is actually a success and the character needed to be a true entrepreneur. Right now I feel I am stuck in a place of fear of failing again-but my soul beckons me so often whispering words like risk, adventure, independence and invention.

My soul is crying out to me, but I've tuned out it's voice so it decided to scream at me and make me completely restless. Thank you soul.

I am a woman of ambition and invention and when I am not in a place that heightens and supports this it's like chopping off the head of a flower or moving an outstretching bud into darkness. It suffocates me.

Sometimes, we need to slow down and take a look at our lives and not make excuses for denying our passions. These are my excuses right now: Money. Support. Community. Disappointing others. Past failures. Even writing them down feels pathetic because I know that the worst thing that could happen is I quit my job, lose a reliable check and a couple friends. But the truth is if I were honest with myself I really don't believe things could be different.

Honestly, I am not sure what to do with myself right now. It comes in cycles and every time I enter in I convince myself this time it will be different. Here's my cycle:

I'm not sure when this cycle will break, but I do know that I need to commit to an idea and pursue it without the "Feel like a failure" phase sucking me back in. I cannot let myself enter "The Cycle of Passion Killing" anymore.

Right not I am in the "Get sick of having a job" phase. For me, "The Cycle of Passion Killing" averages from 3-5 months. How do you kill an entrepreneurial spirit? You can't. Nearly impossible unless you want to live a life of no happiness, no passion, no adventure and most of all-no life.

So.... what now? I am asking myself the same thing. I wanted to write this mainly to help me process what's going on, but also to reach out to others like me for support and encouragement. What would you do in my place? How do you keep yourself from entering "The Cycle of Passion Killing"?

We shall see what is next on this adventure of life! I have ideas and other things I am pursuing right now aside from my 9-5 and next time I get to the "No immediate results" phase I am going to do whatever it takes to break out of this cycle and enter in the Passion cycle of awesomeness!

That's all for now folks. No real call to action really. Mainly just an update on how I'm feeling in life right about now. I hope this reaches some of you and calls you to action to live out a life of passion, purpose, and meaning- in whatever way that relates to you in your own Cycle of Passion Killing. 

It is time to break free family!

20 Year Old Ramblings About Living

Just relax.

Sometimes it seems like every situation in life right now is a do or die type thing. It's like whatever idea I have must be done or else my "claim to fame", we will call it, is doomed.

When in reality why do I actually care so much about trying to create some sort of phenomenal, revolutionary thing that will change people's lives. Whether that be a product, way of thinking, or whatever else my brain likes to spew out.

I have a hint of an idea that it has something to do with a way of feeling important. Which makes me wonder- How is it that I gain this feeling of importance? Why is it so important to me? Where do I direct this desire so that it can be satiated?

Let me clarify a little bit.

I think that it is ridiculous that I am believing I need to gain some sort of importance in the first place. I am perfectly capable of being important without any strings attached to some plan or goal that I am achieving. It has made me question some things about myself. Is honesty okay here? Ok, cool. Glad we got that out of the way.

First off, I want to know what my intentions are behind the things that I do. What is the point of the ideas that I come up with that I want to move forward with? Sometimes it is out of my passion to create and other times it is in hopes that I will reap some reward- Which is why it has been difficult for me to stick to one thing that I didn't get immediate reward from.

More than anything, in this pre adulthood (is it still pre?) I believe it is important that we don't get so caught up in our plans and future goals and create a sort of tunnel vision until we reach where we anticipate going. Time will continue moving at the same pace it always has. No matter how much it seems like it flies-I promise 1 day still = 24 hours. So let's stop worrying so much. Whatever the heck we are doing right now is definitely not ensured to be the end-all-be-all for the rest of our lives so lets chillax a bit more.

I guess here is where I should suggest some sort of philosophy or advice. Well, this is what I think.

Take risks. Don't be completely blind about it, but if you are like me and you have an opportunity and desire that takes you out of college. Life is not going to end and you can always go back if things change and you want some sort of certification. In my opinion, college is great for those who know they need it or who have know idea what they need.

Continue to invest into yourself. To me, this means reading, listening and doing things that are new, fresh, exciting and awesome, of course. I listen to a podcast by an inspiring guy, Tim Ferriss, who has revolutionized many areas of my thinking. Recently, I listened to a ten minute podcast he created about the 9 Habits to Stop Now-The Not-To-Do List. I put into practice a few of them today and had half the amount of stress and twice the amount of productivity. Score. I wonder what today would have been like if I didn't listen to that yesterday. It's important to continue keeping your mind active and not stuck in routine mode doing and acting out of habit.

Schedule time to do things you enjoy. You are never too busy or too tired to be with people you care about. Hit em up and plan a date. Don't wait for them to get ahold of you. Take some initiative. Maybe even make a list of some stuff you have been wanting to do, but always putting off because you're "too busy". Take a night to yourself to read a good book or invest into a hobby-playing music, writing, drawing, playing a sport, going to the gym. It will be worth it, just get over the feeling of not wanting to do it and do it. It's just a feeling and it's only temporary.

That's all I got for now. Check back for some updates and the ever-so-interesting like of Gloria and her 20 year old ramblings about living.